we tend to dwell in the uncertainty of it all, don't we?

we rather live our lives not knowing, instead of findin out what we don't want to.

im having my night lessons now, and i'm anxiously waitin for my break so i can sneak off and meet a fren. who actually stayed in sch to do his report while waitin for me.
SO TOUCHED! hee.
ok it hasn really happened before thats why! hahaha.
mondays.

ANYWAY THANK YOU ANTHONY AND EVERYONE WHO SHARED TO BUY ME MY PRESENT! i was so... stunned i was at a loss for words.i almost freaking cried can.
im still quite stunned, and it not only made my day, it made my whole freakin year la.
very grateful. thank you ppl SO SO SO MUCH.
words cannot portray my feelings. thank YOU.

oh and x-men 3 was GOOD. i love it so much that i'm gonna watch it AGAIN! yay!
ok spasticity. gonna head to queensway on wed with my darling hongyu.
SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER! haha.

sigh.

what hurts the most,
was being so close,
and havin so much to sae,
then watchin u walk away..
and never knowin,
what could have been,
not seeing that lovin you,
is what i was tryin to do..

AI's finale tonight! MCPHEE!
but i don't mind either of them winnin, really.
the fervent idolisation hasnt happened since the geek called Clay Aiken.
i think mcphee's HOT. like sizzling HOT.
her fashion sense is superb, and the way she works the viewers through the camera, very mesmerising. and who can forget her acapella-introduction rendition of Somewhere Over The Rainbow last week? that girl can blow!
hell, she even beats Kim Locke on that song, and mind you, i thought KLo was the best person to sing that song.
i hope she does well tonight, but if winning the crown means she can't branch out and sing stuff which wanna sing, den i guess whoever wins is gonna get screwed badly. taylor does really good shit with covers, so i have no idea who would win honestly.
kelly clarkson got to where she is after sacking her previous management, a good decision judging that she has earned 2 well-deserved Grammys after that.

sigh, i sound like some AI-crazed freak.

anyway, i am quite addicted to bubble tea. drinkin it like damn often nowadays.

i don't really need to look, very much further
i don't wanna have to go, where you don't follow
i won't hold it back again, this passion inside
can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hide...

i just got back from training,
and i saw his nick. wondered what it means til a fren decided to bring it up out of e blue.

i guess stuff that happened should be kept private, stuff that leaves me thinkin a whole lot.
maybe its time for me to pluck up my balls and ask. just ask, dammit!

Addison: I hope you're done hurting me back, cos if you're not, I have to special order a thicker skin.

Meredith: Hey.

Derek: Hey. You almost died today.

Meredith: Yeah, I almost died today. [Derek is at a loss for words and starts heading to the door]

Meredith: I can't, I can't remember our last kiss. All I could think about was, "I'm going to die today and I can't remember our last kiss," which is pathetic. But the last time we were together and happy, I... want to be able remember that, and I can't Derek. I can't remember.

Derek: I'm glad you didn't die today. [Starts to leave but stops]

Derek: It was a Thursday morning, you were wearing that ratty little 'Dartmouth' T-shirt you look so good in, the one with the hole at the back of the neck. You'd just washed your hair and you smelled like some kind of... flower. I was running late for surgery. You said you were going to see me later, and you leaned to me, put your hand on my chest and you kissed me. Soft. It was quick. Kind of like a habit. You know, like we'd do it everyday for the rest of our lives. And you went back to reading the newspaper and I went to work. That was the last time we kissed. [Derek starts to leave]

Meredith: Lavender. My hair smelled like lavender... from my conditioner.

Derek: Lavender. Huh.

just got back from town with simon gerald and homan.
it has been such a long time since i last met up with them!
we caught dvc, it was alright i guess.
book was WAY better.

ooh. talentime was GREAT CAN!
I WAS SUPER EXCITED AND I WAS BOUNCING UP AND DOWN!

DOTTER JESSIE: MUMMY'S EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOU! -cheers-
the way you rocked the drum set, VERY VERY COOL CAN!
I LOIKE. :)
SO DAMN HAPPY THAT YOU ALL WON! hehe.
yes i saw you bouncing up and down.
and i screamed 'i love you jessie' like after ur performance.LOL
the whole thing was very gd and went for supper after that with hy adelyn weichang weixiang and alex. laughed non-stop the whole day, had a few really hilarious performances!
and most importantly, it was very very gd company.
thrilled that i took photos with many ppl!
ooh, weihong was a great MC. i was charmed.
saw all my daughters then i start bouncing/jumping haha.
a really unforgettable night, thank you.

was on the phone til like 6+am, then i slept for an hour, woke up and went to jessie's house for a dvd cum breakfast session.
i was droolin over mcdreamy!!!!!!!!
then headed for squash at 12 and we played, and we played, and we played.
til like 6+ then went for dinner at amk with wanyee, chin han, jessie and ki yong.
so fun mans, cos there were lame jokes, and a lot of laughter. :)
so ki yong dropped me off at holland village, and i slacked around for a while with hy and her frens.. i found out where's settlers' cafe!
very cosy atmosphere, i loike.
and then i was too tired so i headed home first.

so today, i met up with gerald homan and simon at an unearthly hour(for a sunday) of 10.50am to get tickets. we settled on the 12pm slot cos 11.15am's slot didnt provide good seats.
2 rows from the front, so forget it.
we went paragon for sushi tei and just chatted about everything.

i better get to bed early cos tml's a loooonnnnnggggg day.

can i joyously proclaim something right now?

I LOVE THE NYP SQUASHERS! yes, thats you, and you and you and you and you and YOU!
everyone of them has brought so much joy into my life really, and I NEVER HAVE A DULL MOMENT WITH THEM AROUND!

we're on the same wavelength and we talk about everything under the sun!
very interesting can!

i am dead tired now, but i realised I JUST CANT SLEEP IF I DONT BLOG ABOUT IT!
training for freshies was per normal, but there were a lot more today compared to last thursday!
yay! :)

we went for supper at amk central after that, good fun laughter and joy.
talked while eating and i really really did enjoy myself.
it's been a long time since these kinda stuff happened, but im very very glad for it!
thank you so much to the girls and anthony for listening, and although i don't make sense sometimes, you were there for me, and for that, i thank you thank you THANK YOU!
i've grown very fond of all of them, actually. and i thank God for giving me such precious friends.
hehe. I LOVE ALL OF YOU!

oh, and i have a new nickname, courtesy of jessie and anthony.
lena chi fish cake. SERIOUSLY!

hehe, now it seems like nothing else matters so much to me anymore.
the wonders of laughter and happiness. :)

oh, and did i mention i started a streak of never-ending laughter during lecture today.
i swear it was infectious cos my frens started laughing for no reason too.
i was like hyper-ventilating.

and i miss all the jjc-ians can.
everyone of you!


im officially burnt.
i desperately need a timeout.

i wish timeouts lasted forever, so then we don't need to look forward to the next.
im getting cranky, pardon me, but I AM TIRED AND I AM GOING TO SLEEP NOW.

sorry.tired.sleep.yawn.

ok that summed up the whole week really.

night classes on monday.training on tues.
ok wed.wth did i do? OH yea i cleaned my bunnies' cage.
how fun.
ok anyway thurs, yr 1s training.
then fri PUBLIC HOLIDAY!
HAHA. that was about the MOST EXCITING THING!
yay!

ok jokes. ooh. friday i went out with simon.
supposed to catch a movie but we didnt in e end. the queue was atrociously long.
and we weren't in the mood to be patient anyway.
headed to his fren's house for some choc/cookie party.
i really must buy stuff from that shop, cos honestly, the stuff is really really DAMN GOOD.
omg the cake! we almost didn't bear to eat it!
so damn pretty.
reached home at like 3am+. was so damn tiredddd.


simon: i hope ure feeling better. i don't know what to say or do actually. but i'll be here to listen :)

sat.had training like again. haha.
so happy that jessie,wanyee, chin han, chiau ru, chiau ying came down! thanks! :)
ooh and talitha joined us too. was really fun.
ended up slackin til 7 plus. then headed home.

and so, sunday came. happy mother's day!
went out for family lunch at bukit timah, and then went to my mum's place for dinner.

ok i'm really tired and i can't be bothered to think anymore.
LOL. and the saddest thing is, IM HAVING NIGHT CLASSES TML!
AND THERE'S NO GREY'S ANATOMY! URGH!
survivor took over their slot. DARN. :(

first, it was the oscars, then some other event, then now survivor. seriously!
shit, i sound so like Izzy. not SPG Izzy, but Grey's Izzy.
-Seriously? Seriously! -

oh and thanks jessie for the lovely mother's day sms! it made me feel warm and fuzzy all over! :)
xuan: do you really think so? but i guess we'll never know sometimes...

and yes i'm dangling a little extra thing on my wallet. just for keepsakes.
it's something so small, yet it means so so so much.
reminds me of something which i hold so dear to my heart.
and you know what? i didn't mind wrapping books for you, really. it was just the time i could spend with you that i was very grateful for.

Meredith: Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it, and life always makes more.

i didnt have the blogging mood during the weekend.
i had barely enough sleep, and secondly i was cramped up with alot of stuff i needed to settle.
sat. stayed at home and watched tv, something i haven't done in a very long while, and since i'm on that topic, there's GREY'S ANATOMY TONIGHT! :)

on sat,i headed out at around 5 to meet up with sean at yishun.
xuan invited us to nyjc's drama production and i was impressed, really.
although the downside was we missed the opening credits due to stopping at the wrong bus stop.
it was comical in some sense, yet desmond portrayed Hock very very very well.
sean and i were like, omg he IS GOOD!
the scene when he strangled Seng to death was very real, his words, his reaction, his facial expressions, they were exactly how someone in the same situation in reality would react. he didn't ham it up for the cam, and he wasn't too dramatic. gosh, even the way he inhaled sharply was spot-on! i mean, omggg. it's those you-have-to-be-there-to-understand kind of thing.
i really do love desmond's and the malay guy's acting, oh so natural!
it was very good, overall. quite a few laughs, very singaporean and yes of course very singlish.
loved it. :)

after that, sean and i headed down to Hooters for dinner. FUCKING SPICY CHICKEN WINGS and calamari. curry mayonnaise was good, but the wings were a killer, honestly. we were tearing ok! my lips were burning like shit! gosh, but it was good, it had a very unique taste, and it was full of tobasco, so tobasco-haters, stay away. you would barf your head off. and the waitresses (i held myself back from calling them hootresses) were damn good with hoopla hoops. they could spin like 10+ hoops at the same time!
we then proceeded (this word just got me laughing, PROCEED, LOL) to indochine forbidden city for some drinks and chillin out.
it had excellent ambience, and it wasn like too crowded where you get stuck in the midst of walking to the toilet. no trouble with that cos the toilet was next to our seat.
and talking about our seat, that sean ah..really..LOL.
he was targetting this oriental-like sofa, complete with cushions and all. we could sleep on that thing!! it was SO DAMN COMFY! and i love the fact that it was spacious, and private.
we were waitin patiently for that place cos i think sean's purpose in heading there is to soak up the atmosphere while lying down. his enthusiasm was infectious.
but sadly, due to the fact that i was wearing a short skirt, i had to use cushions to cover myself up.LOL. there werent as many ppl as other saturdays though. but we didn't let it rain on our parade. we just sat, drank, crapped, bitched, joked about everything under the sun.
i think we feel the same way about a lot of things, and its true that we would only go to these kinda place with people who we're very familiar with. there's no awkwardness, and there's no "omg, if i drink too much then how? VERY UNGLAM LEH!" LOL.
anyway, it's a place i highly recommend, but it's not a huge clubbin place, so yea.
reached home at like 3+ and i couldn't get to sleep. was awake after my nice hot bath.

headed out on sunday at 9+am to help peipei with some stuff, i swear i was sleep-walking half of the journey. we had O'Brien sandwiches, i love that stuff. haven't had it in the longest time. and met my sister and mum for some shoppin at marina square.
that place is quite different now, alot of new shops and stuff. haha.
i'm yawning while typing this entry, keeping my eyelids open cos i have a lesson in half an hour's time.

oh and friday's a public hol! right?? i hope i am, cos i'm lookin forward to a good long break. a day when i don't need to worry about attending lessons punctually at 8am, a day when i can sleep in, a day when i don't have to cuss everytime my phone's alarm sets off when i'm in the midst of a very nice and interesting dream.
alot of my dreams are nice, i dream a lot. i'm a daydreamer, like meredith grey. LOL.
that was damn out-of-point. i dreamt about the old gang recently, and i felt very happy when i woke up. weird huh. :)
i'm gonna go jessie's house for GREY'S ANATOMY on friday! (i just had to BOLD those words everytime, gives me a kinda high actually. lol)

i'm hooked on my daily dose of Oprah, and i love it so much to this point where i hate night lessons, cos then i would not be able to watch it at 6pm. see, life without cable was sad, until Oprah and Grey's came along.

last week Oprah had the extremely famous, but extremely private Lisa Marie Presley on her show. boy, was i intrigued. Lisa Marie had style, and she was the kind of woman that alot of women look up to. not because she was rich and famous, and not because she was once married to Michael Jackson (coughomgcough) , but actually because she's a very humble philanthropist. she stood her ground, and she was far from being demure and docile.
in other words, she was a firecracker. and a very pretty one at that.
they discussed her life while growing up, how she coped with expectations the people had of her because of the legend who was her father, Elvis.
the resemblance was uncanny, really.
she displayed wit, and she was unlike the image the magazines had portrayed her as.
they clarified stuff, stuff that the public had always wanted to know.
about mj, nicholas cage and everything else.

the next day, her mum joined her on Oprah in an exclusive interview. Priscilla Presley is very very pretty, sophisticated and humble. lol. it was very funny overall and i felt like Lisa Marie had been misunderstood by the public because of those blasted tabloids!

interesting, very interesting.

-Having faith is believing even when you're drowning in a lifetime of doubts.- : lena 9.46am

my recently-purchased excellent 2 books are sitting prettily on my messy table.
the 5 ppl you meet in heaven & the valkyries.
WOAH. really deep stuff man really deep stuff. -lets out a deep sigh-

Mitch Albom's an excellent author, the way he/she (i am clueless about genders after the oh-my-gdness-sidney-is-a-guy incident in Times) manages to invoke certain feelings within his readers, the way he gets right to the heart of human nature and the way his descriptions are extremely vivid, so vivid that anyone can read and then picture the whole scene in their head.

It's difficult to find authors like that, i say that because when i read alot of other books, i do not picture as easily their scenarios as i do for Mitch's books. I love books like that, gives me that certain oh-my-gosh-i-have-experienced-the-exact-same-thing-before feeling. I was very touched, yet intrigued by his perception of mankind and human nature, it's as though he feels for every character in his book. It's as though HE IS every character in his book. Amazing, really. The ending was short and sweet. Simple, subtle, and it fitted very well into the whole thing. I cried when I read it, wasn't surprised since Vik & Ade told me that they cried after they read it. They told me that before I purchased it, mind you. So you can say that I was prepared for a weepy ending, lol. I didn't expect it to feel so real actually, I just sorta expected it to be touching. No spoilers here, so I shall not disclose anymore. :)

Let's just say, it gave me loads to think about, not that kinda thinkin that eventually leads to a bloody headache, but it was those kinda when you think and then you talk to yourself. I did exactly that, and it seemed that I was trying to reason to myself about certain things. It was as though I was telling myself that I can't control my mind, it controls me. I confuse myself, really.
I talked to myself a lot just now when I was at home alone, stuff like when i did things this way, why did i do it like that? oh because I feel this certain way and stuff. i know this sounds crazy, i better stop. Reading's getting a hold on me!

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.- Kahhil Gibran (quoted from darlin hongs blog.)

how true, baby, how true.

i hate this feeling, when you have accepted that things will never work out right now, it just gets harder. since we know and accepted already, why is it so damn hard still?

and to top it off, i'm listening to The Promise by beverly craven. intro-ed by hongs!
it's such a sappy love song that i cried. zzz.

finals was good, and we went to suntec after that.
vik hy and i talked about the places that remind us so much of the past, and it's nerve-wrecking to see friends in this state too.

ade and i bought 2 books each too!
bought 5 ppl you meet in heaven, this book i've waited long enough to buy, seriously.
i just didn't get around to buying it that's all.

and im sorry for doing this to you, really i am. but i don't know any way to make it less harsh on you. memories last, but reality bites. reality bites my ass off.

it's up to me now, it's breaking point, and it's all up to me.
you know usually when you don't see any hope in something, it's so much easier..
i've always thought to myself, i've come this far, i'm not gonna put it all away just yet..not yet.
but although it's been quite a ride this year, i don't see the reason in doing what i should.
give me reasons to not believe, throw a few doubts on my path, show me that there's absolutely no damn reason...just, just URGH.

but sometimes even the most wisest of men don't see what's in their path. i guess i'm headed along that way, although i'm quite dumb. :)

i'm listening to Fly Away - Corrinne May. how apt, really.

- even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart..
- i love you, too much to make you stay...
- baby, fly away...

1st may.
btw, happy labour day peeps!

it has been 4 months, and i wanna thank all the sweet little angels who has made these 4 months extremely bearable.

yingxuan: a huge thank you goes to you, really. you've always been there to listen and to talk to. i love the fact that you can read my mind sometimes, and vice-versa. all those years spent bimbo-ing with you and stuff, very memorable. especially when we start luffin our asses off. and start doing funny actions. our suppers and dinners together, and ur family's great! i love coco to bits too,esp when she starts lickin my face, gets me on a high! makes me wonder why ppl actually indulge in ecstasy. ok that was damn out of point. haha, oh and when we talk about our love lives........LOL. goodness. we can be so naive sometimes! i love you! and i would do anything for you. oh besides keeping ur hamster for u. :)

sean ang SHI RONG: oops.sorry. had to do that really. thank you for the late night conversations, you're always the one i go to whenever i'm feelin down and out in the middle of the night. you don't seem to sleep at all actually. lol. nah. thank you so much, for listening while i cry and cry and cry, for listenin when i go hysterical, and for caring about the many little things which really matter to me. you always say the right and sensible stuff, you wise asshole. but i treasure you so so much, and thank God you're not going to Edinburgh in the end, cos i don't know what i would do without you. really. oh, and thanks for all the bitchin and ranting sessions! all the not-so-funny jokes you crack sometimes, and thanks for just being there.

simon: ahh. yes a very important thank you to you especially for distracting and enlightening me after bumping into him that fateful day. i'm sure i would have gone kooky or bonkers or something, BUT YOU MADE ME LAUGH! and most importantly, you make me smile.. we're on the same wavelength regarding alot of stuff, and you give me so much insight into how guys think sometimes, and i do think about it. after all's been said and done, i really do miss the old gang, and as u've said in ur blog, hopefully after everyone's out of NS, we get to catch up once again. lol. OH and simon, I LOVE THE WAY YOU EXAGGERATE STUFF! IT'S TOO FUNNY!

corina: CORINA CORINA CORINA. haha. don't we always talk about the same person whenever we meet up? HAHA. those were the days..funny how when we think back, it seems so...faraway & non-existent? i can always talk to you about everything, we bitch about the same stuff, the same ppl. and we're always brutally honest with each other. i like. :)
you always make my day a lot brighter! and although im not seeing you as often as i would like to nowadays, i'm always thinkin about you in every single way, really.

grace: I HAVEN SEEN U FOR AGES! i miss u like really badly actually. we used to hang out so often last time! i miss hearing you whine. LOL. haha. and i miss our regular pig-out sessions! i miss window shopping and our regular gossip sessions. i hope to catch up with you soon, hopefully like in the hols? yes i know ure mugging and all that, BUT...must enjoy rite! :)

yw: thanks for giving me advice on how to go about doing stuff. u're always the only one who encourages me, and you always listen and understand. it's been so long since i last saw you, and i actually saved one of our msn convos, i read it again the other day and i smiled to myself. cos you made me see alot of things. it really matters. thank you.

jjcians: every single one of you.
the guys have brought so much luffter and craziness into my life, and yes, i do feel like a guy sometimes. don't get me wrong, i'm still a girl! their impromptu outbursts of madness, their sick jokes, their crankiness, every damn thing makes me luff, and i don't have a dull moment with them around. thank you so much for making me laugh, and forget about my worries for once.

the girls are lovely lil angels la really, our cam-whoring sessions, our gushing over eye-candy, our omg-is-it-HIM kinda thing, you all are a joy to be with. you all are like high almost every other minute, and you peeps really do light up my life. thank you all for comforting me when i cried, and thank you all so much for listening. esp when i complain,bitch and rant. i'm happy to see that you all have bonded so much, and i'm awfully glad to see that no matter what life hands you, you all just stand through it together. and oh my goodness, ur luffter is INFECTIOUS! cracks me up every damn time!

him: thank you for botherin that one time, it really made my day. you matter so much to me, really. and i can't describe it enuf in words. thank you for givin me this feelin that no one else has given me before, thank you for puttin in time and effort during that period, thank you for appreciating me and loving me the way i am, thank you for everything u've done for me, just..thank you. if ever..one day..i wouldn't hesitate.

because i love you, in a big sorta way.

OH. and thank you channel 5. FOR GREY'S ANATOMY! LOL! :)